STRAIGHT FROM HIS MOUTH: THE TRUTH ALL MARRIED PEOPLE KNOW

We have been talking about single Black people for what seems like an eternity. Single Black men not dating single Black women, with single Black kids and single black dogs with single black cats and single black goldfish. And on. And on. And on. Quite simply, I don’t give the least amount of f*cks about a single black any damn body. If I had a pocket full of f*cks and you needed one to save your life, I wouldn’t even bother to reach in my pocket — that’s how much I don’t give a f*ck about this conversation. You know, single Black men and single Black women judging all these other single Black men and single Black women on why they are not married. People saying, “Everybody wants to get married; everybody wants a fairy tale wedding” and single people pushing this propaganda.

Besides Steve Harvey, does anybody find it interesting that all of the people giving out relationship advice are either 1) single 2) divorced (and single) or 3) haven’t had a stable relationship since birth? They don’t even get along with their dog on most days. And dogs love everybody. I’ve always wondered, why are marriage counselors usually single people? Why are all these relationship advice givers usually single? Why are single people who have never been married encouraging other people to get married while actually married people are playing in the cut? And then it dawned on me:  Married people aren’t even talking about this stuff. Why? Because married people know the damn truth. What’s this truth? Being married is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m not saying being married isn’t a wonderful experience to hope and wish for. What I am saying is, none of my married friends are pushing it on me.

I know a few married people my age and you know what they tell me?

“Man, you better not do this until you’re good and damn ready.”

“This sh!t is hard dawg. Not that I don’t love my wife but if I probably should have waited a little longer.”

“I love my husband but damn…I did not know this was going to be so much damn work.”

When I’m watching Vlogs, reading blogs, CNN, or whatever, all of the people weighing in on the singleness of Black America are either White (which I have a huge problem with) or not in a damn relationship themselves. I have a homegirl who was engaged to be married. She was with her boyfriend for about seven years when he finally popped the question. It was platinum ring with diamonds, big karats. He spent plenty money (Plies voice). She was excited. Her friends were excited, everybody was excited. And then the relationship hit a rough patch. The engagement fell through and she decided she didn’t want to marry the dude anymore. Her decision right? I mean if anybody should know about that situation and why it did not work out, it would be her right?

Wrong.

Her friends were livid and giving her plenty of grief.  “Girl he wanted to marry you. He makes all that money, he’s a good man blah blah blah.” Um, you’re single as hell and ain’t had a man in three years. Why the hell you got so much to say about your friend’s relationship when you don’t have one?” The people who have the most to say about marriage and why it’s right, what you should do, and how you should do it, are never married themselves! This is tantamount to a person who has played soccer his entire life and only watched basketball on television, advising me on my jump shot. Yeah, you watched Jordan shoot that joint, but you can only tell me so much about my form and my release. At some point, your limited knowledge is going to hurt me. Now would it be smart to a) keep listening to the soccer-playing-basketball-watching jump shot guy or b) go find someone who shoots 1,000 jumpers every 4-6 hours they are awake to help me out?

That’s how I feel about all these single people giving advice and pushing others towards marriage. If anybody should be advocating for marriage, in my mind, it should be people who are actually married. The fact that married people are not exactly selling the dream of marriage to anybody is a telling notion that shouldn’t be overlooked. Married people aren’t tripping off that sh!t. Why?

Because married people know the truth.